Friday, November 28, 2008

History

I guess to truly understand someone you need to walk a mile in their shoes. The things that happen in our lives are what shape us and create us into the person we are. As for me most people know of my past and what lead to who I am. Other don't know the story so they question more than they need.



Many people don't seem to understand why I don't drink alchol. Most assume it is for religious reasons and are very surprised when the find out it has nothing to do with religion. It can all be summed up with Conner. Conner is the son we lost due to a drunk driver in 04. I was 20 weeks pregnant and was driving home from work when my life would change forever. It was March 15th and I had just finished my last shift at the fire station. That night I said good bye to my crew, the next day I was suppose to start what we call basket duty until after i delivered the baby. So I would spend the next 20 weeks giving tours answering questions and giving training. That night the station had a BBQ and I stayed after my shift. Goofed around with my crew had the family up at the station along with my crews family. Got a few baby gifts and around 2am I headed home.

I took the usual route home from work the main gate of the naval base. About two Min's from my station things changed. Within a blink of of eye I was hit by a drunk driver. Being a EMT my first reaction was to give any needed aid to the car that had hit me. So I checked on the driver and I realized he was totally drunk and he wasn't hurt I felt fine. The station had heard the crash and were already in route so no need to call 911. Within Min's my coworkers were on the sene along with the police. It was my Battalion chief that asked if I was OK, I rolled my eyes and told him I was fine. He took 1 look at me and said no your not, it was then I realized my water had broke. My own coworkers rushed my to U of Wash medical center and within a hour of my arrival i gave birth to my son Conner Aidan. Born 20 weeks to soon we had a false hope when we heard him give a weak cry for a second we thought he was going to make it. Then the docs tolds us there is nothing they could do for him but offer comfort care. A few hours for us to say good bye. By this time everyone from work knew what had happened and were at the hospital waiting for news. I told my friend Carrie that Conner wasn't going to make it so she rushed off and got our son a baptismal gown. The station Chaplin arrived and Conner was baptised. On March 17th 2004 Conner went to be with god. We were left to make sense of what happened. To this day we still don't understand and never will.

Six weeks after that night I returned to work or should I say tried. I could no longer stand to be around the crew that I once loved and thought of as family. it was too hard to hear them say how sorry they were. As for the drunk who killed Conner he was turned over to his command, yep I was hit by a navy officer. His punishment for Conner's death was being restricted to the ship for 30 days. My punishment was grieving for the son we lost. Later we learned it was his fifth DUI but no one seemed to care he was a naval officer. Since Conner's death we have been blessed with two other children and a third on his way. The naval officer is still serving and still getting DUI's. We have moved to Virginia and are getting on with life without Conner. Not a day goes by were he isn't in our thoughts. We wonder if he would be like his brother in love with fire trucks and hyper like his Sib's.

So now that those of you know the truth maybe you won't push so hard for us to go out drinking with you. Before Conner we didn't drink much maybe a glass of wine with dinner or a beer/wine cooler while watching a game on TV. About twice a year we went out with friends and had a shot or two. Since Conner things changed drinking just brings back bad memories. Well off to care for the fearsome foursome. Yup that his what I call the children in a few months I will have to referr to them as the fearsome five some















1 comment:

nomadicspud said...

J---, after all the time we have spent together, visiting back and forth, you never mentioned this to me. I can't even imagine what you must have gone through. Your Heavenly Father loves you. My personal belief is that he was a very special spirit sent for your family. He will always be a part of your family. Families are meant to be together forever. We love you and your growing family and think of you often.